I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
