just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
