Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
