My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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