i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
