Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
