Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
