just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
