Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
