I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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