got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
