My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
