How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
