i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
