I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
