It's Friday. Sex?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
