at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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