he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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