You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
a search helicopter?!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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