why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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