Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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