...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
