My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
