please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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