Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
