Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
