what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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