I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
