I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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