and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
