he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize