A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
