Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
