Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
how drunk are you?
Several
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
