Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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