Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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