There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
