Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize