i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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