is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
