do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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