If i come over, it means nothing
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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