It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
