where does the pee come out of this thing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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