and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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