omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
