So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
