I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
