Moan for me like Helen Keller
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
