her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize