Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
