"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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