I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
