i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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