He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You ate ashes out of my bong
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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