why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize