if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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