does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
