Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize