so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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