do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
