i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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