they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
