Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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