Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
