He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
