a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
