The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
