it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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