I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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