Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize