apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
