Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
