it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
