I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
