do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
