I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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