The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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