We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
