Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
